I sat in my chair for 30 minutes before I could write anything. I have so much to say, but I don't know how to interpret or communicate most of it. I am truly a mess. some are trying to convince me I'm a beautiful one. I might sort of kind of believe them.. sometimes. I am listening to Explosions In The Sky. ah..music with no words. It's so good, it doesn't need words. I generally like music for the meaning that's found in the lyrics, but I'm not good with words lately. Tears, grunts, screams and laughter work better. Prayer. maybe no words need to be spoken. I continually give God my frustrations, anger, sadness, rebellion, tears, and regretfully slim, moments of gratitude. no words are needed. he knows. maybe we aren't so far apart after all. maybe we are closer than ever. My honesty scares me. when I'm honest, it's messy, hurtful, ugly, discouraging and overwhelming. I am so tired. tired of living between light and darkness, beauty and chaos, truth and lies, sin and purity...just tired. But my hands are open. they're open to what You can give. My mind is confused and my heart is aching, but my hands are open. Jesus, take them, love them, heal them, and show me life again.

Come to find out... I didn't know this, but the song I have on repeat is called "Your Hand in Mine." Album: "The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place." Coincidence? I think not...

TRUTH

The Truth Project :: Trailer

The Truth Project -- Extended Trailer

Check out this link. This was my class last week... RIDICULOUS! I was seriously blessed to warm a seat in his classroom. I wish I had time to share all that I learned, but I am about to go swimming:)

A little peak into July 4th weekend with Tom! We camped, climbed a mountain, ate good pizza, and loved on each other as much as we could. I love this boy so much. It was so great to be with him in such a beautiful place. God did a good job on Colorado! 

Abundant Life--the road less traveled

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." -Matthew 7:13-14

A card I made for my Daddy

Make a Smilebox slideshow

And the Countdown Begins...

The 1 year countdown begins! This was waiting by my door when I got home yesterday. I absolutely love them! These are the colors we are thinking of using in our wedding (he scored major points for that). We have made progress on a few things so far. 

1) We took our engagement pictures before we left. I will post them on here when they come.

2) We booked the ceremony site--Smith Family Chapel. We are really excited about this. It is absolutely gorgeous, and it's where Andrew and Michelle got married. So, that makes it more special :)

3) Reception- Lakeway Resort and Spa

We are currently working on getting a videographer and photographer. We really like Joe Simon for video and Christina Carroll for photo. 

http://www.christinacarrollphotography.com/blog/ 

http://www.joesimonproductions.blogspot.com/

I wish I had more time to plan some things, but it is pretty busy around here! 

Things at the Institute are going well. I just took my first test to wrap up the worldview class. We are starting a new class on Monday with Del Tackett. (http://www.thetruthproject.org/). I think he will be taking us through a good portion of the Truth Project. We are all really excited about that! The marriage and family class will start after the 4th of July. We are constantly reading and building community through family dinners, swing dance lessons (tonight), game nights, picnics, hikes, rafting and coffee/tea dates. 

On Wednesday, a small group of us went to a bible study called Wild Branches. In short, Jeff is teaching us how to look at Scripture with an eastern/Jewish mindset, asking us what Jesus' words and actions would have meant to the Jews and Gentiles of His time. Each number, name, and geographical location has such a deeper meaning than I thought it did. I know that the study will help me to analyze small details that I am used to skimming over. I have been missing out on SO much.

Love my Mama

I could write about a number of things that are going on in my life right now, but I really just want to write about my mama. Writing about Daddy might be more relevant because of the upcoming holiday, but I just watched Hope Floats and mama is on my mind. I’m pretty sure I saw the movie for the first time at my Granny’s house. If you’ve seen the movie, then you would understand why that is significant. It is mostly about the relationship between a granddaughter, daughter, and grandmother.  I miss my Granny.  I miss rubbing lotion on her legs and curling her hair. I miss bringing her Bush’s chicken for dinner and watching her save little chicken pieces for Sassy (her fat Chihuahua). I miss the predictability of her candy stash under the coffee table. I miss watching David Letterman and Everybody Loves Raymond with her. I miss playing with cousins in her tiny little living room. I miss hearing her mix up words and telling me to shut the door so that “the snakes won’t get in.”  I find deep comfort knowing that she is with Jesus, but I miss her. I know my mom must miss her, too.  Remembering her makes me miss mama. It makes me want to cherish all of the time that I have with her until Jesus calls her home. Though God created us to be different in various ways, no one will quite understand me the way that she does. I am thankful that she often told me that she was proud of me and that I mean the world to her. I used to think that she “had to say that because she way my mom.” But she didn’t have to…. She protected me from the nasty world as best she could and hurt with me when it broke my heart. It is so easy to her for granted…but I am getting old enough to know better. I love you so much, mama.