On being Type A, Passionate, and Comfortable

Feeling the need to be transparent tonight. I guess I could just write in my journal, but that seems boring to me right now. I have been following a few awesome blogs recently (more on my favorites later....)

I feel kind of loserish for admitting that I follow these blogs, but I really do get a lot out them (except when their creativity inspires me attempt projects that I don’t have the time, money, or skills for.) I think I love these blogs so much because these women are so incredibly honest! Their transparency makes me feel a little better about myselfJ Most of the blogs I follow have something to do with motherhood, interior design, childhood cancer, simplifying, organizing, or sewing. All of which are not quite relevant to my current stage of life, but whatever….I was following a few wedding blogs, but they stressed me out to much. I like a good dose of Jesus in my blog life, and that’s hard to come by in the wedding industry. I still check them out every now and then to get some good ideas.

With all of this blog following, I felt that I should do a little bit of writing and not be such a consumer. So…. I’ve learned a few things about myself the past few weeks. One being, that I definitely have a huge “comfort idol.” Most people have one of these four main idols: comfort, power, control, and approval. I am a nice ugly combination of comfort and control. Maybe a little bit of approval, depending on the day and the person I am trying to find approval from. I don’t really feel like going into a discussion about idols, I just want to say that I have one and now I know what it is. My comfort idol causes me to avoid stress as much as possible. Doesn’t sound so bad, but it can lead to laziness. But I also know that I totally a Type A. So, I find a lot of fulfillment in accomplishing things. Checking things off a list makes me feel really good about myself. Oh, and my lists are ridiculous. I have all of these things that I am so passionate about doing. Each morning I wake up excited about what I can accomplish that day, only to go to bed feeling disappointed that I couldn’t do it all. So back to the comfort idol…. I try to avoid stress by avoiding the things I need/want to do that day, because, usually, the things that I most passionate about are the very things that give me stress. I desperately need Jesus to rescue me from it all! I find that I need him in new ways every day. I’ve become more and more dependent on Him, but for some reason I still insist on going through my life without Him. Those days are usually difficult, laced with pain, suffering, and confusion, with little joy to overcome. I really am dying a slow death. In other words, with every passing day, I have less of an ability to control my own life; I need Jesus to keep on saving me. I need Him to help me make sense of it all. When I go about life on my own, it is more painful than before, because He makes up more of my identity now. “Less of me and more of You” used to seem like a pious prayer, but now it’s taking on a whole new meaning. Less of me controlling my own life and more of You holding my hand, showing me where to go and what to do. And that sounds pretty good….