Brad and Nikki's Engagement Session

Nikki is a good friend of mine and asked if I would take their engagement pictures for them. I was surprised that she asked and a little nervous about doing them. But we got some great shots and it was SO much FUN!!! I'm hooked!

Free?

"As I sit her in the window of this cottage I can see a sailboat skimming silently along the horizon. It is a beautiful image of freedom. But the freeom of the sailboat to move so swiftly and beautifully is the result of obedience to laws. The builder of the boat had to know the proper ratio of beam to keel and mast. The one one sails the boat obeys the rule of sailing. A ship tacking against the wind moves deviously, but when she runs with a strong tide or a following wind she takes to herself the power of tide and wind and they become her own. She is doing the thing she was made for. She is free not by disobeying the rules but by obeying them." - Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

I have struggled for so long with what it means for a Christian to have freedom. Obeying laws never seemed very free to me. But I found that not obeying them left me feeling burdened and even more enslaved. This analogy nailed it for me!

Wish I could write more, but I am going to be late for class. I have been working with 5 year-olds in a classroom at the UT Child Laboratory. This is one of my last weeks to be with them. I am going to miss these little people!

I sat in my chair for 30 minutes before I could write anything. I have so much to say, but I don't know how to interpret or communicate most of it. I am truly a mess. some are trying to convince me I'm a beautiful one. I might sort of kind of believe them.. sometimes. I am listening to Explosions In The Sky. ah..music with no words. It's so good, it doesn't need words. I generally like music for the meaning that's found in the lyrics, but I'm not good with words lately. Tears, grunts, screams and laughter work better. Prayer. maybe no words need to be spoken. I continually give God my frustrations, anger, sadness, rebellion, tears, and regretfully slim, moments of gratitude. no words are needed. he knows. maybe we aren't so far apart after all. maybe we are closer than ever. My honesty scares me. when I'm honest, it's messy, hurtful, ugly, discouraging and overwhelming. I am so tired. tired of living between light and darkness, beauty and chaos, truth and lies, sin and purity...just tired. But my hands are open. they're open to what You can give. My mind is confused and my heart is aching, but my hands are open. Jesus, take them, love them, heal them, and show me life again.

Come to find out... I didn't know this, but the song I have on repeat is called "Your Hand in Mine." Album: "The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place." Coincidence? I think not...

TRUTH

The Truth Project :: Trailer

The Truth Project -- Extended Trailer

Check out this link. This was my class last week... RIDICULOUS! I was seriously blessed to warm a seat in his classroom. I wish I had time to share all that I learned, but I am about to go swimming:)

A little peak into July 4th weekend with Tom! We camped, climbed a mountain, ate good pizza, and loved on each other as much as we could. I love this boy so much. It was so great to be with him in such a beautiful place. God did a good job on Colorado! 

Abundant Life--the road less traveled

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." -Matthew 7:13-14

A card I made for my Daddy

Make a Smilebox slideshow

And the Countdown Begins...

The 1 year countdown begins! This was waiting by my door when I got home yesterday. I absolutely love them! These are the colors we are thinking of using in our wedding (he scored major points for that). We have made progress on a few things so far. 

1) We took our engagement pictures before we left. I will post them on here when they come.

2) We booked the ceremony site--Smith Family Chapel. We are really excited about this. It is absolutely gorgeous, and it's where Andrew and Michelle got married. So, that makes it more special :)

3) Reception- Lakeway Resort and Spa

We are currently working on getting a videographer and photographer. We really like Joe Simon for video and Christina Carroll for photo. 

http://www.christinacarrollphotography.com/blog/ 

http://www.joesimonproductions.blogspot.com/

I wish I had more time to plan some things, but it is pretty busy around here! 

Things at the Institute are going well. I just took my first test to wrap up the worldview class. We are starting a new class on Monday with Del Tackett. (http://www.thetruthproject.org/). I think he will be taking us through a good portion of the Truth Project. We are all really excited about that! The marriage and family class will start after the 4th of July. We are constantly reading and building community through family dinners, swing dance lessons (tonight), game nights, picnics, hikes, rafting and coffee/tea dates. 

On Wednesday, a small group of us went to a bible study called Wild Branches. In short, Jeff is teaching us how to look at Scripture with an eastern/Jewish mindset, asking us what Jesus' words and actions would have meant to the Jews and Gentiles of His time. Each number, name, and geographical location has such a deeper meaning than I thought it did. I know that the study will help me to analyze small details that I am used to skimming over. I have been missing out on SO much.

Love my Mama

I could write about a number of things that are going on in my life right now, but I really just want to write about my mama. Writing about Daddy might be more relevant because of the upcoming holiday, but I just watched Hope Floats and mama is on my mind. I’m pretty sure I saw the movie for the first time at my Granny’s house. If you’ve seen the movie, then you would understand why that is significant. It is mostly about the relationship between a granddaughter, daughter, and grandmother.  I miss my Granny.  I miss rubbing lotion on her legs and curling her hair. I miss bringing her Bush’s chicken for dinner and watching her save little chicken pieces for Sassy (her fat Chihuahua). I miss the predictability of her candy stash under the coffee table. I miss watching David Letterman and Everybody Loves Raymond with her. I miss playing with cousins in her tiny little living room. I miss hearing her mix up words and telling me to shut the door so that “the snakes won’t get in.”  I find deep comfort knowing that she is with Jesus, but I miss her. I know my mom must miss her, too.  Remembering her makes me miss mama. It makes me want to cherish all of the time that I have with her until Jesus calls her home. Though God created us to be different in various ways, no one will quite understand me the way that she does. I am thankful that she often told me that she was proud of me and that I mean the world to her. I used to think that she “had to say that because she way my mom.” But she didn’t have to…. She protected me from the nasty world as best she could and hurt with me when it broke my heart. It is so easy to her for granted…but I am getting old enough to know better. I love you so much, mama. 

I'm finally back. These past few days have been crazy busy. I am hoping to rest up tomorrow before it starts all over again. So, the first week of class was really awesome. Class is about 3 hours long, but it flies by. Dr. Leland incorporates a lot of video, music, and stories into his lectures. He also forces us to talk during class, which I am thankful for...well most of the time. Friday's lecture was really intense. He asked us three questions 1) Why be a Christian 2) How do you know that God exists? and 3) How do you know the Bible is actually true? ...you know, just a couple of small, practical questions...ha! Mind you, they were not rhetorical questions. He definitely wanted us to respond played the role of an unbelieving skeptic. The discussion went a little something like this:

Leland: How do you know that God exists?

Student:Because of general revelation (he reveals himself through the natural order of the universe). You can't look at the universe or even tiny electrons without recognizing that there must have been Designer.

L: How can you assume that? I believe in natural order, but how do you really know that Someone designed it?

S: Well, through specific revelation (God told us so in the Bible).

L: Well, how do you really know that the Bible is true?

S: Because God doesn't lie

L: How do you know that the people that wrote it didn't lie?

S: uh....

With enough time, I'm sure most of us could research these answers and respond.  But as he asked these questions in class, I kept thinking "uhh... that is a really good question. I hope he doesn't ask me to answer him."  These questions aren't anything out of the ordinary. Until Friday, I had never been in a situation where I was forced to give a reason for these beliefs I revolve my life around. I felt pretty ashamed to be honest. The Bible tells us to be prepared to give an answer to people who ask what we believe...and most of the time they don't want a "Bible" answer. If what we believe is really true, then we should also be able to give them an answer that uses logic, reasoning, and science. Unfortunately, he did not give us all of the answers to these questions by the end of class. Hopefully, by the end of the semester, he will let us in on the answers to these hard questions. But, I wouldn't be surprised if he made us figure a lot of them out on our own, though. 

On a more lighthearted note, we went on a night hike on Thursday. The staff has scheduled several of them throughout the semester. All of the pictures are from that night. Sorry about the weird spacing..

Today, we went white water rapid rafting. Sweet wetsuits were involved and it was super cold. Also, really fun! I am so ready for some rest tomorrow. 

Lastly, it is official: June 19, 2010 is the big day!! The ceremony and venue sites have deposits on them. Such a relief! More details to come:)

Seriously, this dude is brilliant. But Lewis is frustrating me today! I am reading the Abolition of Man right now for my Cultural Issues in Christian Perspectives class. I think I get it, but I'm not really sure... story of my life. I tend to half-way learn things and then fail miserably at trying to explain what the heck I thought I knew. Which shows that I didn't really learn it in the first place. 

Today was my first day of class. I couldn't stop thinking: "wow, I really need to be here. I am so glad I am sitting here right now" It seems too good to be true that God would give me such an opportunity to learn why what I believe is really true. Today (our first day of class) we talked about worldview, starting with the question: "Why did you get up this morning?" (so profound! But is seriously worldview question). Someone said: "to come to class." Well why come to class? Because you told us to come. Why do you care what I think? Because I paid money to have you teach me. Why do you want me to teach you? Uhhhh....  ...Annoying questions, but it really helped me to realize that I do a lot of things in my life simply because someone expects me to do them. 

I really want to be able to engage the culture and confidently defend God's design for family and social order. I guess I just don't know how right now. I don't really know why a lot of my beliefs are true. This is a great thing to realize... and the perfect time to realize it since that is what this summer is all about. 

The Mark of a Christian

First of all, I would like to say that blogging is kind of intimidating. I feel pressure to say something really clever or insightful...I know if I keep feeling this way, my blogging days will soon be long gone. So, just as I am tossing aside my expectations for what this summer should be like, so I am tossing aside any expectations I have for my blog.

So today and yesterday we have been going through orientation...which means mounds of paperwork and long lists of guidelines and rules repeated over and over. It must be done, but I am glad that it's over! It actually wasn't too bad. My professors are flippin' awesome. The staff has a great sense of humor, which I thoroughly enjoy! There are 47 students in our class, which is the exact number of students that I graduated high school with...pretty neat! And no I have not seen Dr. Dobs. He is away for the summer. Too bad I can't stalk him from the bushes as he walks into the building. I guess I will have to find better use of my time. 

This morning, Dr. Leland, the Executive Director of FFI, led us in a time of reflection. First we recited a Hebrew prayer, called Sh'ma (I think).  It was the prayer that Jesus would pray every morning. Hopefully I will be able to memorize it as we, too will recite it every morning before class. After that we read John 13 and discussed what "the mark of a Christian" is. It sounded like sort of a cliche question at first, but God quickly helped me to see the depth and weight of this simple question. 

12 When he had washed their feet and h put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, i “Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 j You call me k Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet,l you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15 For I have given you an example, m that you also should do just as I have done to you. 

I wonder what it must have been like for the disciples to sit there and let this man that they respected so much to bend down wash their feet. Maybe they didn't fully understand the humility that Jesus had in doing this until after his resurrection. I mean Jesus was up there for eternity past all clean and pure with his BFFs. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled about touching crusty grown-man toenails. Even on this side of the cross I am so quick to forget the humble servanthood that Jesus portrayed in this act. I often let him wash me clean, and then I pick and choose which feet are most pleasant to wash. I prefer manicured, painted-toenail feet, thank you very much. But seriously, I have noticed that this is definitely an area that I can grow A LOT in. 

So... the picture of Tom. God reminded me today that this man, more than anyone, has consistently and patiently shown me what it means to be serve others. I know that I can be a real pain sometimes. I am also quick to take him for granted, and sadly his humble service often goes unnoticed. As we spend more and more time together this next year, I pray that I can be a reflection of him as he reflects the redeeming love of Christ to me. Man, I miss that boy! 

A Peaceful Confidence

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin." Matthew 6:28b

First of all, this is my first blog post ever. I really hope that I can keep up with it! I will try to write things that are interesting for you guys to read. I have been looking forward to having a way to reflect on this exciting time in my life. I will be learning a lot about what it means to be engaged and preparing for marriage. I so desperately want to pass on anything that God teaches me about it. 

So, it was my first full day at the Focus on the Family Institute. I am still taking in the new faces and new environment that I have been plopped in to. From the moment I stepped on the plane to now, I have a very deep sense that God has creatively designed detail of my experience here. He has been preparing me for this season for years now. I began to realize these plans on my first flight from Austin to Dallas. The man I sat beside initiated conversation about the wedding magazine I was flipping through. He then started telling me about his family and how two of his sons recently married. He was so open to share and I was eager to listen. After a few minutes I sensed that this man was beautifully filled with the Spirit and also adopted into God's family. I learned so much from him in 45 minutes. Through this divine encounter God gently reminded me that He is always Jehova Jireh--the Lord who graciously provides. He has provided me with this season to get away and be with Him and also dig deeper into something that I am uniquely intrigued by--the family unit, the building block of society. I am so thankful for a ministry that educates people about God's design for the family. I am thankful to be here. 

Three years ago I would have been a nervous wreck coming into a new environment so far away from home. I would have been incredibly intimidated by these super Christian people. But I woke up today and felt a peaceful confidence that I belong here. I belong in this family. I am His. We are all His. The lack of anxiety I feel is like this little secret I have been sharing with Him all day long. He and I know best where I've been and how far I've come. This past year has been kind of dry for me, but today He reminded me of my story. I love that He wrote it and is patient enough to play out the parts with me. Many parts were certainly brutal and ugly, but I praise Him for reminding of those desert places He brought me to in order to show me now that He never left my side for a second. So I am considering the lilies and believing that HE will be the one to move me along into a deeper place of knowing Him. And He will be much more creative than I could ever dream. I could write for hours, but I can't. I hope I can be back tomorrow.